11 January 2007

Thursday Thirteen

In honor of one week at Job #2, I will give you some insight to waitress life. Mind you, I have always been a small-town waitress. Even my jobs at national chains have been in smaller cities. I am quite sure there are different rules and codes in larger cities where servers have support staff and tip out everyone from the doorman to the busboy. But here are some various tidbits about serving and waitresses in general.


Thirteen Things about Waitressing


1. When there are four empty tables in plain sight, do not seat yourself in a dirty booth. I don't care if you like booths better, wait for someone to clean it. If we haven't done that yet, there's a reason. If its really busy, no-one but the server who had that table will even notice you are new customers, and even that server might not pay attention if swamped.

2. You think you are helping by tidying your napkin into your empty cup or glass, but you're just irritating me and the dishwasher, one of whom will, have to pick that thing out, and I don't want to touch that.

3. Do not expect me to be grateful that you asked for a plastic cup to spit your snoose in instead of using your beer bottle.

4. I don't want to pick your straws off the floor.

5. Ditto your used toothpicks.

6. The presence of carpet on the floor denotes that this is not a "peanut bar." This is why we have no peanuts. Just popcorn. If you can't keep the popcorn in the little carton, leave it in the popper. You are not Hansel, and you don't want to see me following your popcorn trail.

7. I did not run out of Almond Joy pie to personally annoy you, no matter how satisfying that might be.

8. Other servers are your best friends/worst enemies as customers. They will cut you a lot of slack for understaffing or obvious unpreventable problems, but if you give poor service without a good reason they will let you no in no uncertain terms.

9. You are never obligated to tip for lousy service.

10. It's just as easy and friendly for me to say "Hello, Gentlemen..." or "...Ladies" as it is to say "Hi guys!" but the results are amazingly different.

11. If you are 65 and 325 pounds and ask if you can order off the kids' menu, do you really want me to keep a straight face? (I will, of course, but really, it is over and above the call...)

12. Waitresses really do wait until your mouth is full to ask you how everything is at your table.

13. If you are really swamped and service is slow, at least making eye contact and acknowledging the people who are waiting is usually enough to keep them happy. They don't expect miracles, just a little courtesy.

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9 comments:

my 2 cents said...

An interesting list. I've never been a waitress, but it does seem like it could be a VERY challenging job at times.

Di said...

snoose?
Waitresses all over the world are applauding. But your bio says you are a mom...don't many of your admonishments apply to your kids too? If I had a dollar for every juice box straw I have picked up over the years...I'd tip you much more generously!

Nickel and Dimed has a good part where the woman does a waitress job. Definitely eye-opening.

I was a cocktail waitress over 20 years ago and to this day I have no respect for a cocktail waitress who cannot carry a tray of drinks over her head to get through the crowd!

Kelly said...

I don't know how you do it girl! I have heard how rude some people get with their waitresses and I would be one to lose my temper and throw the food at them...LOL!

"Can I order off the kids menu??" Ha Ha. How do you hold your smirk? That kills me!!!! :)

JAM said...

Sorry I missed your T13 "on the day."

I worked in the restaurant business for five years. I used to tell my wife, "People are basically pigs."

Since then, I am, and make sure my daughters are, as nice to the waiter/waitress as we can be. I assume that a surly waiter/waitress has just gotten bad news or something and still act nice.

If the bad service and attitude lasts for the whole meal, then I cut the tip accordingly. I cannot abide fellow customers who are needlessly rude to the waiters, and have made a total @$$ of myself to total strangers because I got sick of hearing them needlessly brow-beating the waiter, who of course couldn't say anything because they needed the job.

Badoozie said...

it's a thankless tiring job, and i hate when i'm with someone who is rude to our servor. i usually kick them under the table

hey you have not been over to hottie bloggers lately whats up?

gem said...

Very clever idea. I feel lucky not to have to ever waitress again.

EVE said...

I loved reading your list. It brought back so many memories (frustrations) from when I was a small town waitress. I especially liked #1. Why must they do that?!

Cliff Morrow said...

At our local steakhouse, there is often high school kids on the wait staff. I'm always more than generous thinking that at least they have the guts to go do something instead of getting in trouble. Their biggest problem is not leaving well enough alone. They usually grow out of it but it's humorous to watch. I sometimes feel like yelling, "Leave Me Alone."
I love good wait staff.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

um yea, this is why I would never make a good waitress..

i did not know u were waitressing..where at?..maybe i will come and let u wait on me:)